NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED
by Arjun
Summary: relax, chill read on, completely random comedy
1. Chapter 1

NEVER SHOULD'VE HAPPENED

She saw him wounded. She ran with all her might. She knew she had to do something; but what? Asuka put her hand on him to see if he was breathing, she saw a white luminous light, and the devil get up, calm on his face, his features as perfect as a statue carved from marble.

He fell unconscious and landed….well landed in a somewhat uncomfortable position for Asuka. His head stayed there for a few moments, Asuka was helpless (as if!) she tried to push him away, but little did she know the horny bugger was a perv even in his sleep!

He fell back, and for the first time she saw a single glistening tear stream down his cheek. She felt a connection, a bond with him; at that moment a tear drop like a small snowflake drifted from her eye, while sparkling in the golden light, and perfectly intertwined with his. His lips where glinting. She couldn't resist, and touched his lips with her soft petals. His eyes opened and in his deep knowing eyes she could see her universe.

3 years later

"Jin! JIN!! J-I-N GET UP!!!" Asuka was wearing her usual pink bathrobe and panda flip flops (a birthday gift from guess who!) she had a mug of coffee in her hand, and her hair was rolled up in curlers, and she had a green face mask.

Jin got up and turned to look at his beautiful wife, although they were married, Asuka was still a virgin, as in her family it was believed that if a girl was married at a young age she could only lose her virginity on her 20th birthday, and on that day she had to get pregnant. Asuka's 20th birthday was less than 3 weeks away, and Jin couldn't wait any longer, he was ecstatic! He rubbed his eyes and saw Asuka's face "AAAAGH! Whats that on your face!" he jumped right out of his pajamas, and quickly put them on, for some strange reason he too was wearing pink panda pj's. Asuka gave him an angry look, and turned off the purple panda night light; she quickly went to the kitchen and made Jin a lucky panda cereal breakfast. The box read "Silly Kuma, Lucky Panda Cereal is for Panda's!"

Jin got up and went to the bathroom, he took out his electric shaver, the shaver got caught in his hair and he had to cut it off a little bit. Next he went for a bath, and in a freak accident the hello-kitty soap fell inside the toilet. And because Asuka was in a bad mood she took the opportunity to run into the bathroom and turn on the flush. So Jin had to dry himself without soaping. 'Its OK Jin count to 10 … 1 … 2 … 6…..no that's not right! Ugh!" he went to his dresser and took out his clothes to wear, just then Asuka's voice came from the kitchen "JIN SOME REALLY OLD BIG GUY WEARING A CROSS BETWEEN A G-STRING AND A DIAPER STARTED DROOLING AT OUR DOOR! SO I GAVE HIM ALL YOUR UNDERWEAR, YOU"LL HAVE TO WEAR THE ONES XIAO GAVE YOU!!" grimace Jin hated Xiao's stupid gifts that would come at his door every single day. His house was like a Panda Museum.

So he took out a pack that read "BABY PANDA TIGHTIE WIGHTIES" and put them on, they were too tight! But well at least he had clean underwear.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2!!

Well thanks a lot!! MiniPuffle198! You have motivated me to write the second installation of my trilogy (wait a minute….its not a trilogy!!) ok so here goes!

3½ years ago

Jin and Xiao were walking down a pavement; Xiao was searching for something in her pink AmiYumi Puffy bag. "Jin have you seen my latest edition of Scientific American China?" Jin's eyes almost popped out of their sockets, "No, umm Xiao when did you start reading Scientific American?" Xiao hopped a little and pulled Jin's cheeks "Awww my wittle baby…" she quickly straightened herself up and said "It had a segment on quantum equilibrium and dichotic alpha gamma beta ray theories! Man I never knew those pink and purple lights could ever be so much fun! eeee!" she said this as quickly as she could, because little did Jin know, that particular copy was about TIME MACHINES! And of course the cover had a cute panda, but that's not the point! Xiao was up to something, something weirdly exciting and boringly strange (so I have a bad choice of adjectives, any problem! Or was it nouns? Anyways back to the story)

So Jin and Xiao continued their evening walk and lo and behold a cute 7 foot panda came carrying a magazine covered with drool in its mouth, Xiao Jumped up with delight, "YEAH! MY PANDY MY PANDY" an elderly couple was walking past at that moment, they were hard of hearing, and they heard her saying "YEAH! MY PANTY MY PANTY" they pulled on the joysticks of their electric wheelchairs and sped away as fast as they could (i.e. snail speed) a guy with red hair on a motorbike was watching in the distance he made some lewd comments and got hit in the head by high heels from a woman with very weird body language!

So Xiao took the magazine and tied her hair up with hello-kitty bands and put the magazine in her mouth ready to run for it, just then she realized that the magazine had been in PANDA'S MOUTH!! Yuck…she spat it out and put it in her bag. While all this was happening Jin was blissfully listening to "Barbie Girl" on his I-pod. So Xiao left him a heart shaped post it with panda brand gum (its chewy its gooey and I hope it didn't come out of a panda's pitooey!) the post it read "Jin I will be back … but I don't know when! Be an angel my devil!! Love Xiao xoxoxo muah!! kisses!!!! hugs!!!!"

Xiao Jumped with amazing speed she leaped like a tiger, she sprinted like a gazelle, and then she realized that she had gotten 15 blocks ahead of her destination. All that running around had gotten her tired, so she took the metro this time. She sat in an empty corner very strange music was playing in the background. She then saw a girl with a feather in her head run into the doors of the train; it was very evident she was escaping from a Man Baby, as the station was shaking from that fat bastards running. The doors closed and the girl was just stepping to get a seat when she tripped and fell face first into Xiao's Lap. She quickly got up apologized and left. Funny Girl thought Xiao, who thought she forgot something, it then hit her PANDA! I FORGOT TO BUY A TICKET FOR PANDA! Oh well the big lug will manage"

At the Metro Station Panda was being frisked by a weird hairy security guard. 'Who is this Guy?' thought Panda just then she saw a long nose and paws! "KUMA!" she said in bear language, she ran as fast as she could.

While all this was happening with Xiao, Jin was sad he was very sad! He didn't know what to do. First o all Xiao had started a business with Heihachi and Panda as Partners, that didn't leave much time for them to be together and now this! He started to cry, just then Julia walked by, finally she had lost that Man Baby, "Aww Jin what's wrong can I help you?" Jin ran away yelling "Shut up nature girl I'm not speaking to you"

He ran about 2 blocks when he saw a bear running after panda, he looked n that direction and said "PAN— uh" his call was cut short because he just hit a pole.

Upon opening his eyes he found himself in the hospital. The Doctor was preparing a report; he saw Xiao covered head to toe In Panda Brand clothes. She was playing pokemon on her game boy. The doctor turned to face Jin. He had one red eye and highly arched eyebrows; his face was covered with those weird mask thingies. "It has been 6 months since you were in a coma; I am your doctor Dr. Mishi sorry Kishima"

Jin thought the man looked awfully familiar but he was too tired to notice anything. Dr 'Kishima' continued "Jin Kazama, you are going to be discharged today, how do you feel?" Jin Looked at Xiao she was jumping up and down a laughing "Yeah your out of coma! Yeah!!"

Jin was feeling light headed but well hehe! He was out of coma he managed a "yeah himself" as soon as he looked down he saw that he was wearing baby panda paradise pajamas (for the wittle adowable baby panda's in all of us!) that's not all he was wearing a very strange looking ring made out of plastic with a suck able panda at the end, 'Oh God Looks like her business has expanded in these six months!' that was all Jin could think of!

………………………………………………….

Well what did ya think of the second chapter! Oh before I forget thanks to DILU!! Even though I don't play tekken and because she loves the game she got me hooked on to it! Who knows maybe in the next chapter there is a surprise visit to Brazil! "Wink" oh and trust me there will be a huge segment on the King of the Iron fist tournament!

Though I don't play tekken and because she loves the game she got me hooked on to it! Who knows maybe in the next chapter there is a surprise visit to Brazil! "Wink" oh and trust me there will be a huge segment on the King of the Iron fist tournament!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3!

**Out of Coma!!**

A/N: I would like to thank all the reviewers and all the hits I got! Thanks a lot people for reading! Love you all!

Jin changed to his normal clothes, and together with Xiao Yu went to the reception, there he signed some papers and they left. In her new pink mini, Xiao took Jin and together they were heading home. To Jin's surprise Xiao, turned towards the airport! Jin looked at her and said "Where in the name of orange dinosaurs are you taking me?" Xiao Yu turned her head around in a maniacal exorcist kind of way with a big smile and said, "We are going to BRAZIL!" Jin said "NOOOOOO" jumped up , hit his head on the roof of the car and bit his tongue, He raised his hand to feel the bump on his head but his sleeve accidentally got the door open, Jin tried to close the door, but Xiao took a sharp turn and out fell Jin!

While he was falling in the air, Xiao Yu switched on the Nitrous boosters and took the car at jet speed to the bottom of the cliff and Jin landed on the roof of the car with a thud. Jin got back in the car, and Xiao Yu put a seatbelt on him. She gave him a lollipop and said "AWWW you should always be positive Jin or you might end up getting a Void Coalescence fracture!" Jin was continuing to suck on his lollipop and said "SHTLOP REALING SHLIENTLIFIC AMERLKIN" Xiao pulled on his cheeks and said, "there there wittle baby!"

When they reached the Airport Xiao held Jin's hand and took him to the airline counter. At the counter there was a very strange looking air hostess, she was quite big, had highly arched eyebrows and one red eye, some of her lipstick was on her teeth. "Hello there, I'm Kazumi Mishiya, how can I help you?" she said in a low hardly feminine gruff voice. Xiao took out a panda pen, a panda notepad covered with hello kitty stickers and the tickets, the tickets were covered with star and panda stickers, Jin looked at her and asked "Are you allowed to do that?" Xiao gave him a small smile and said "We are going by Air Monaco sweetie, the airlines are owned by my best friend's Dad silly!" just then a girl in a white Victorian style mini dress came running towards Xiao Yu waving a Chinese silk embroidered handkerchief "Hello Xiao! How are you? Pardon me for intruding; may I be greeted with this fine friend of yours?" Lili said this and her contingent of servants including Sebastian unfolded chairs and placed a small coffee table in between them, as Jin and Xiao Yu sat, Xiao introduced Jin to Lili. Sebastian brought tea, and in between a sea of people Lili invited them to join her for high tea and it wasn't even 4 o' clock! Sebastian took the sticker covered tickets and tore them up!! Xiao yelped! Lili told her, "Calm down my dear, we all are going to Brazil in my private jet!" Just then a security guard came towards Lili, he told her to get up, Lili stood up, corrected her skirt, flipped her hair back and said, "My Dear _Jhon_" she said his name reading his name card, **" I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT YOU DICKHEADED FUCKFACE AND IF YOU GONNA MESS WITH ME I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN!**" she hit her hand on his neck and the guard doubled up unconscious. She told her servants to take him away, and she quickly took out her handkerchief and rubbed the corners on her mouth. She reapplied her lip gloss, and powdered her nose. "Come then Xiao and Fin" Jin said "My name is Jin not fin" Lili said "Right right Lin"

So they got on the plane and guess who showed up just before the doors were closing …… PANDA! Wearing a panda brand hat, panda brand hand bands (it' handy its dandy and it's the power source of PANDY!) so all of them sat down and got ready to fly!!

A/N!!! I know my chapters are really short but I'll be updating EVERYDAY yes that's right you heard it! In the next installment we'll be meeting some old some new and some surprisingly random characters!

depends on authors mood and creative flow


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

So there they were, Xiao, Jin, Lili, Lili's caretakers and of course…PANDA! (Yeah!) So the plane started to taxi on the runway. Jin saw that that awful looking Air Hostess was serving Brochettes. The Air hostess approached Lili "Excuse me Miss, would you care to have some?" Lili smiled and said, "No thank you dear!" she returned to discussing Pokemon with Xiao, the air hostess tapped Lili on the shoulder, "Miss please do take some" Lili stood up and smiled at 'her', she checked the name tag (oh boy…thought Xiao and Jin….they could see one servant faint…panda went to console her, but she got up and screamed, simultaneously jumping of the plane "hey I'm just a bear!" panda said in bear language!) Lili then said, "My dear _Kazumi_" her smile quivered, and Panda winced, "**GET OFF MY FUCKING PLANE, YOU DUMB WHORE OF AN AIR FUCKTRESS, GET OFF GET OFF NOW NOW NOW!" **Lili rushed to the Cockpit and she told the Pilot to stop the plane then and there, the pilot obeyed her and she personally gave 'Kazumi' an Atomic Ninja Wedgie and literally threw her off the plane!!

Now the plane was on normal course, Lili sat down, foot behind ankle, placed her silk handkerchief on her lap, and smiled at Jin. Jin's eye twitched and he tried to smile but ended up looking like he was going to throw up.

So the plane finally landed in Brazil. Lili had booked a 7 star beach resort in Rio De Jeinero where all of them could stay. Panda was busy clicking photos. She was looking like a Japanese tourist, with panda brand sunglasses, panda brand converses and hello kitty shirt along with a Pandarbie (a doll who you can take to the mall! And can cause a bar brawl! Comes with detachable panda head Human head sold separately conditions apply) but the weirdest thing was panda was CHINESE!

At the hotel Lili and Jin went to the receptionist to check in. While they were checking in Panda and Xiao were busy posing with their hands in a 'V' position and getting photos clicked wherever possible, near the bathroom, on top of a fountain, near a really really fat guy anywhere!. Xiao put a sticker on an elderly ladies forehead and got her photo clicked with her! The lady smiled at Xiao and punched her in the nose. Xiao started crying "**Epistaxis why me! Now I'll have a deviated septum and will have to get rhinoplasty!"** this time Panda, Lili, Jin and random guy coming out of the restroom pulling his zip up said together "**STOP READING SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN!"**

So this was the lovely beginning of a lovely trip! Soon they got their bags and went to their respective rooms. Lili and Xiao were sharing a cottage so that left Jin and well PANDA! Jin started to unpack his stuff and laid it out systematically on the table. Panda opened her pink bag and started to take stuff out. Jin glance over his shoulder to check out what panda was unpacking. Panda took out a tiny piece of lingerie and looked at Jin, she gave him a wink. Jin ran out of the cottage as fast as he could!

He kept on running till he came to an ice cream shop. Hmmm do I know this vendor? He asked himself. The vendor was a very big guy who had somehow copied Jin's hairstyle, he had a neck brace and a broken arm, his eyebrows were highly arched and one of his eyes had an eye patch. "Hi there Mister" he said in a gruff voice "My name is KaMish how can I help you?" Jin asked for a choco-chip delight and skipped towards the beach.

He saw the most beautiful sight ever, A young woman with dark hair, wearing almost nothing, dancing to exotic music, thrusting her hips, in and out went her heaving ….. (Language too explicit, yuck I AM going to vomit, and I'm the author! Anyways back to the story) so while Jin was watching her … "move" he dropped his ice-cream and started to suck on his thumb, Xiao saw that from her window and Jumped with super sonic speed towards Jin and whacked him on the head. She looked at the girl and was about to make lewd comments when she got whacked on her bum really hard by some Brazilian guy!

**A/N**: more on Christie and Eddy in the next chapter……please tell me whether I should make Lili a recurring character or not! LOVE YOU ALL and love the responses!

**Hey there!!!! Everyone who loves my stories! (and I know you do!) Pleeeeeeeeeeeease REVIEW! It just takes 2 clicks!! Please I would really appreciate it! Constructive criticism is welcome! I love you all!!! Thanks!**

"**End of AUTHORS NOTE"**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapeter 5

A/N: sorry couldn't post for such a long time, internet was out!

Xiao looked back, it turned out it wasn't a Brazilian guy, but it was a boxing kangaroo! It had a very important message with it, Xiao Yu read it intently. "The time machine is ready, come" Xiao Yu knew it was time, she pulled up her socks and packed some Peking duck, and she went away.

That left Lili, Jin and Panda. Of course Lili's servants were all there but there really was a lack of activity without Xiao. Lili looked at Jin and said... "So m'dear….what's your name again?" Jin got up looked at Lili and just started walking towards the Jungle on the other end of the beach.

Lili was enraged (by now she had changed into a lovable tracksuit from Xiao's line "Pandalicious fitness") she Shouted "HEY YOU, DICKHEADED ASSWIPE I AM SPEAKING TO YOU! ANSWER ME!' Jin looked back and said "meet, me at the Dojo, we will have a showdown!" Lili's eyes widened … "A whorehouse? What kind of a showdown do you mean?" Jin slapped his hand on his forehead! "A Dojo is not a whorehouse! It is a fighting arena!" Lili smiled and started giggling, "It may be a fighting arena, but it still sounds like a whorehouse! HAHAHAHA" (similar to her stupid laugh after her dad went bankrupt-what a whack job!)

So Jin left her there laughing, he could swear she had started to foam at the mouth. So he went to the airport bought a ticket for Tokyo and was on his way home. In the flight he met the same sex-bomb from the beach (hey I really like Christie! Lol). He had the middle seat in the middle row. Christie was sitting on his right side and Jin sank in his seat as he saw King sit in the next one! King was looking smart in a black suit, black shirt and black tie, he slapped Jin on the back and said in a thick Texan accent, "Howdy, where are ya'll goin'?" Christie said. "Estamos indo para Tokyo você dumb fuck diz-se por aí adiante seu ingresso!" (We are going to Tokyo you dumb fuck it says so on your ticket!) King was confused he looked at Christie and asked her. "What didya say ma'am?" Christie smiled and said "I said yo momma made a big mistake by…" Jin put his hand on her mouth, "Hehe what she means is we are going to Tokyo!"

King gave a gruff laugh and snuggled back in his chair, Christie and Jin heard a very funny farting noise coming from king; "The chair; happens all the time" King smiled. Christie said, "We are in economy class THERE ARE NO LEATHER SEATS, VOCÊ É UMA burro viol adores pequeno crânio?" (Are you a donkey raping numb skull?) King gave a hearty laugh and said, "Ah Love them perty girls with big mouths so much I could crush em'!" as soon as he said that Jin's Panda Mama bowling ball fell from the overhead compartment and hit King on the head. He went to sleep unconscious and the plane finally took off.

When they landed at Tokyo a very tall Blond woman with a heavily scarred face and hairy palms carrying Jin's name card was waiting at the airport. She was wearing sunglasses and had highly arched black eyebrows. Jin thought "God is it just me or are all the airports full of ugly girls!"

He got into a cab that was the blonde woman's, apparently she was a driver. So they reached Panda Inter-Continental, "Wow, Xiao Yu has really got a great business going for her!" Jin thought as he looked at a hotel surrounded by pink and purple panda balloons. A cute looking panda came and tried to shake hands with Jin, the panda caught Jin off guard and got pinned to the ground really bad, a young girl started crying and a fat woman farted out of fright.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Meanwhile …

Xiao Yu was heading to the laboratory of the famed "time machine making man". She reached a building that was shaped like a pyramid. She entered and saw a hall full of…..boxing gloves! She saw a machine where baby kangaroos were being taken and when the passed through it they were wearing boxing gloves! "Ingenious yet so cruel" thought Ling Xiao. She leapt to stop it, "No Don't hurt the poor _Macropus rufus!_" Just then an alien like thingy came from nowhere, Xiao Yu thought it had a really cheap B grade horror movie costume on and pulled on its arm, it came of and Xiao's Jaw dropped, suddenly she started smiling, "You're like a Detachable Pandarbie! Yeah!!"

Yoshimitsu grabbed the arm put it back and said, "Hey Dr.B gave me that, I know the old weasel did a pathetic job, but don't tell him I said that ok….he's kinda moody" Yoshi flexed his false fingers and then realized something very important, "Hey by the way … WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU GIRL?"

Xiao Yu turned to look at him and smirked, her eyes glinting red, "I am your worst, darkest nightmare……" She then jumped up and down hugging herself and smilingly said, "And I'm so cute too!" Yoshimitsu backed away a little then he said, "What are you here for?" Xiao looked at him and said, "Well I'm here to check up on my Quantum Vortex Tele-Transporter Module" Yoshi was stumped, "Umm I really don't want to be mean but…..WHICH FUCKING RETARD READS SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN!!"

So after really no persuasion at all, Yoshimitsu took her to see Dr. Boskonovitch. Dr. B was busy cooking a meal on his spirit lamp, wearing his apron that read "Mommy Panda Love Baby panda **Kangaroo". **He asked Xiao Yu whether she would like to taste some of his delicious home sorry lab cooking, being the good girl she was she said, "Okay!" so she tasted it and said, "Yuck this tastes like Panda Goo .. Not like I have tasted it or anything! But it does"

"Very vell my dear, I can do everything from putting boxing gloves on irrelevant and sometimes extinct animals to creating a time machine … but maybe I just can't cook" Yoshimitsu was busy filing his nails, Xiao yu was staring at him, Dr. B was wondering whether he had underwear on while looking in the direction of Yoshi, "What? Did you think I'm an intergalactic robot who's like Robin Hood or something?" Dr.B shouted, "No Mother I am wearing fresh underwear!" Xiao looked at him and said, "I excuse you for being a senile retard, really it's not your fault… why I know this really old guy who wears a diaper who's suffering in a similar way!'

So Dr. B takes Xiao to the time machine. Xiao is impressed but what is this? Where did all her happy panda stickers go, not to mention her angry panda, sad panda and panda getting wasted on Christmas stickers! She looks around to find the culprit, she sees yoshimitsu talking on his panda cell phone, and storms up to him, she thought she saw panda getting wasted stickers on his phone, so she asked him "Are those my Panda stickers?" Yoshi looks at her and says "Ugkh….Panda stickers are so last season…The new fad is Unicorn getting laid on a rainbow!" Xiao looked away in disgust and mumbled to herself "damn them gay alien like things"

So Dr. B tell Xiao, "So honey lets get our rocks off….I mean to say lets tart the time machine!" Yoshi whispers into Xiao's ears, "he's not a perv just doesn't remember phrases anymore"

Now the quantum of Xiao Yu's solace had started, her only true way of getting the love her life, sorry correction, the love of her as well as thousands of girl and a few guy fans of tekken all across the universe!


	7. Chapter 7

Well after the sticker incident, Xiao was more then ready to go into the time machine

**Chapter 7**

Well after the sticker incident, Xiao was more then ready to go into the time machine. She quickly grabbed a kimono of olden times to wear and asked Dr. B to switch on the time machine and send her back in time.

Xiao Yelled, "Dr. B set the transfiguring, image distorter to value f(x) pi, and the time allocation device to server 40!!" Dr. B grimaced and winced and pulled out a rubber chicken from under his chair, (Yoshimitsu was chuckling in the back!) and said, "Don't Worry Miao Mu I just have to set the image distorter thingy to 80 and time thingy to pi! Got it! Oooh! What does this button do?" Dr.B was staring at a big pink button, "NOO! You got the calculations wrong …. Don't touch that button yet!! I'll go ba..." too late Dr. B already pressed it and Xiao was hurled into a mysterious dimension, in about as much time it takes Nina to say psycho-bitch.

Xiao Yu landed with a thud in the middle of a paddy field. She reached for her Bye-Bye Panda fun bag, yet shockingly, it wasn't there. Instead she had a red leather peasant bag, she reached inside and instead of lipstick there were powdered fish scales, instead of her mobile phone there was a rock with numbers written on it. She tried to dial the numbers but it was no use, after all how much connectivity do you expect from a rock pre-World War I? She yelled "I hate this icky leather bag!! I want my ribbons, and pinkness, and lovable adorable PANDA …. Business, but thank god that horrible animal isn't here, well I better start crying right now so …. WAHAHAN WAHAHAN!! HELP IM CRYING WAHAN I WANT FOOD AND MONEY HELP IM CRYING WHAHAN is anybody listening to me?? Well I guess I better go to the village and cry in the middle of it; oh and I can kick and scream too that always gets people's attention!"

So Xiao picked up her "icky" primeval belongings and started walking towards the village. While on the way she bumped into and amazingly handsome Japanese man, she saw his face and started to jump up and down violently and went and hugged him, and started jumping on him, up and down, the man was obviously shocked at first but started to enjoy the "up and down jerks" wink! He looked just like Jin, When Xiao was done playing deranged psycho farm girl bitch, she asked his name. He replied, "My name is Jinpachi, but everyone calls me 'Jin'"

Xiao was more excited then ever, she completely forgot that he was THE Jinpachi, and continued to call him, Jin, Jinni, Jin-Jin, and Gazpacho (I really don't know why the latter!)She though that Jinpachi was Jin because she felt that she and Jin were connected in some sort of cosmic and spiritual way, therefore, he also got teleported with her and his memory was replaced. So she settled down, convinced that this was indeed Jin.

She got married to him 4 years later, (what did you think, even though it may be the early 1900's Xiao Yu ain't easy!). Jinpachi was focusing on turning rice and cow shit into micro chips and robots, Japanese people knew the art of making robots since the time the last dinosaur was killed, by a Japanese person. Xiao became a housewife and called herself a 'stay at home mom' it just sounded professional. Although many village women didn't know what mom meant and they thought it was some sort of alien species. So 'Jin' and Xiao Yu had a baby together and Xiao named him 'Happy'. Jinpachi didn't understand what Happy meant so Xiao Yu suggested they name the baby after Jin's Grandpa Heihachi. Jinpachi said "I never had a grandpa called Heihachi!" Xiao Yu giggled and said "Silly! Of course you didn't you don't remember anything! Duh!"

So it was Happy's 2nd birthday and everyone was excited, especially Xiao Yu. Just as Xiao Yu was placing the cake on the table, she vanished! And the cake fell splat on Happy's head. Jinpachi was so upset that he left His son under the care of his sister and left to meditate in solitude at Hon Maru. And became this really big old guy who looked like a mountain! (And farted dust)

Back in Dr. B's Lab Xiao Yu was her normal 18 year old self again! "What Happened? Where am I, where's my Gazpacho!" Yoshimitsu spoke, he was wearing a T-Shirt that read, "I like Boys: Spring Break, Florida 1984", "Girl you hadn't gone anywhere! I mean you just vanished for a second, by the way I have some fresh cucumber and spinach Gazpacho given to me by my lying and cheating whore sister in crime, Kunimitsu!"

Xiao Yu was confused she started crying at the thought of Happy not being with her. Well she ran out of Dr. B's crazy lab and took the first plane to Tokyo. She had to find Happy, her baby, and of course her big baby Jin!

**A/N**: I have my SAT's comin up, so that's y I get a little late posting chapters, but trust me I'm not leaving this one on the tether! Love ya dil n rohit! You two are

Great sources of inspiration!!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Wow it has been a while, has it not? I did really well on my SAT's and all of my school exams, I have applied to 5 ivy leagues and 6 other "reputable" colleges and my school life is in its final leg. I really want to continue writing this story as much as I can and I can't believe it's almost been 10 months since I haven't updated... wow … PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW … it makes me feel good!

Chapter 8

.

Xiao Yu was running out of the place where the time machine was. She quickly made her way to the airport and boarded a flight to Tokyo. When she was in the plane she realised that she was in Tokyo and that departure does not mean the plane has departed from landing. The next thing she knew was that she was in fact in Ireland. And it was St. Patrick's Day! ...So after wearing icky green coloured clothes and getting heavily sloshed (to calm her emotions…so she says! Huh!) Xiao caught another flight back to Tokyo.

Upon reaching Tokyo she got a phone call from Heihachi asking for her to meet him at 8 for dinner at The Hot Wasabi. She whined…screamed…sweared and said, "I would love that Heihachi, why thank you!"

While at The Hot Wasabi Xiao Yu was having a tough time finding Heihachi. Apparently he had gone for a retro western meets eastern peasant meets potty training pre schooler look, she then figured out he was just dressed in clothes a gay Japanese man would wear – a huge diaper or a sumo wrestler outfit as he liked to call it to fool his ego.

While Xiao was dining she told Heihachi of her time travelling experiences and being a stay at home mom. She wanted to launch a new Pandarbie line in honour of her son Happy. She then noticed something on Heihachi's forehead it was a burn mark, but it used to never be there before. Then it struck her like it strikes a fat person when it eats healthy food, "HEY! WERE YOU PLAYING WITH MY I LOVE SUMATRAN PANDAS IF THEY EXISTED AND WERE ADORABLY CUTE YET AT THE SAME TIME EXTREMELY FEROCIOUS CHEMISTRY SET?"

Heihachi said, "I did not get any of that bear crap other that chemistry set .. and no I was not playing with your chemistry set . I got this when my mom dropped my 4th birthday cake on my head and I got burned by one of the candles, which had to then be surgically removed as I am highly allergic to paraffin, wax, or any other thing lubricating .. do you know how hard that must be if you want to maintain a sadistic sex life ... any way as I was saying she simply vanished and that is how I got my scar!"

Xiao Yu had a realisation, "Heihachi did your mother call you Happy?"

Heihachi started crying like a little girl and said, "How did you know that?"

Xiao was speechless and then she said, "Happy mamma love Gazpacho, mamma love pandy wandy baby boo" she burst into tears

Heihachi also started crying and said, "Mamma is that really you? Is it? Mamma I missed you!"

Xiao and Heihachi hugged and then something other than icky mushy affection hit Xiao Yu like a pink panda fun bus – "I'm Heihachi's MOM!"

And another pink panda fun bus, "I'm Kazuya's Grandmother!"

Another time purple panda fun bus hit her, "I am Jinpachi's wife ... eeeewww…..wait that means I am also Jin-Jins's…" she fainted.

*Meanwhile in Tokyo* wait a minute this is Tokyo… ahem … *Meanwhile on another side of Tokyo*

Jin entered the hotel and fell flat on his face … he had tripped over what appeared to be yellow water. He got up and went to the receptionist. She was a hideous redhead with one red eye and an extremely unpleasant disposition. She smiled at Jin with some of her lipstick visible on her teeth.

"Hi my name is Mayzuya how may I help you?"

Jin thought that she looked familiar but could not place her, just then a big eagle swooped in and took of "Mayzuya's" luscious red hair. It also poked Jin on the head and called him baka (dirty in Japanese) it then made its way to the bar and ordered a bloody mojito. Hey the Eagle's got taste!

He got his keys from 'the receptionist' who stated that she had been through a terrible fight in her father's house that made her lose her hair. Jin was suspicious but he was too pissed to think.

He was missing Xiao Yu and he went to call her. He got out his neon pink diamante encrusted Pandorable xoxo phone (it's cute, stylish and adorable its Pandorable, usage may lead to hallucination, extreme bouts of homosexuality and a generally pleasant attitude towards everything – handle with caution)

Xiao picked up the phone and sounding like some old guy in a black suit in a movie I once watched way said, "Luke ... I mean Jin... I am your Great Grandmother"

Jin cut the phone he leaned back on his bed and with a thud hit his head on the banister; this led the four posters of the bed to shake a fall on him. One of the posters hit a lamp leading to the breaking of a bulb and the hotel's lights blacking out.

A lady named Christie Monteiro was shouting from her balcony, "Que idiota fez estas, deixe-me vê-lo todos os que quero fazer é enfiá-lo de volta a sua mama e se ela não é lá o seu papai!" (Which idiot did this, let me see him all I want to do is shove him right back up his mother and if she's not there his papa)

Jin and Kazu...I mean Mayzuya both winced, the latter I do not know why? Any guesses?


	9. Chapter 9

Jin was still shocked!! Xiao Yu was his great grandmother!! YUCK!

He decided to text message her and ask her to meet him at the Hotel. Xiao arrived dressed in black, with no pink anything!! She had big sunglasses on and thankfully they were PandyDandyGooglyGlasses (look through them to see a fun,frolicking and constipation caused due to bamboo shoots Panda World!). Panda was behind her and was being followed by a very strange and very hairy security guard with a snout.

Xiao sat down in front of Jin, she opened her purse and took out a black lace fan and she hid her face behind it. She said in a slow calm voice, "Jin, I have realised something, All the time that we spent together must come to an end .. I er .. I .. I am sorry, but it would be wrong". She started to shake but instead of letting out a tear that would perfectly add to this melodramatic scene, Xiao sadly, farted. (I guess the Tuna Sushi rolls were really spicy at the Hot Wasabi!) Jin was too shell shocked to say anything, but Panda let out a roaring laugh!

While Panda was laughing the security guard i.e KUMA! Sneaked from behind and whacked her unconscious on the head, he took her away ... while he was leaving he left behind wedding invitations! What kind of bear do you think he was? Chivalry first! Then comes the feral rabid bear side! 

Xiao said in a very calm voice, "Jin your only hope is to win the King of the Iron fist tournament and ... wait? Why is that your only hope? I dunno .. wait what?" Xiao was confused ... _apparently_ she forgot the script I GAVE HER, and instead she was too busy reading SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN! ... STOP READING SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN!!! Ugh! Sheesh! And I am the writer here!

Ahem ... *moving on*

So Jin thought that participating in the King of the Iron fist Tournament would be a good way of getting the Mishima Zaibatsu out of the wrong hands, Xiao Yu! This came about due to Heihachi, since had found his mother blah blah ... sentiments ... blah blah ... "mommy, happy wants you to take everything" ... crying like a baby ... blah blah ... Xiao Yu smacking him on the head and then jumping up and down squealing "YAY! My Panda brand items can expand to furnishings and heavy artillery inclusive of heavy duty industrial machinery and manufacturing technology!! YAY!!! eeeeee !! I feel happy!!"

There was 'allegedly' a fight involved between Heihachi and Kazuya, but Jin could not remember if it was a deathmatch over the remote control or a showdown for the last dorito chip.

*5 days later*

Jin entered a building that looked like a giant sphere. He saw a very sweet lady at the front desk wearing a nurse's outfit. He went up to her and greeted her enthusiastically. She responded, "Why hello Ash ... I mean ... Jin! This is your Poke...ahem...Iron Fist Centre, and I am Nurse Joy! I am here to guide and assist you in the process of the Tournament!" There was a sweet looking animal next to her with an egg in its pouch and it was holding nun chucks, a mace and a flame thrower, all while looking like this - ^_^ .

Jin thought to himself "What the fuck? Where am I?" as he said this he reached to scratch the top of his head, lo and behold he was wearing a red colored cap. He also had on denim jeans, a denim vest and a black T-shirt. 'I don't remember putting on any of this in the morning?"Jin was extremely confused, a fat lady looked at him and laughed, she then proceeded to the salad bar as she was dieting, you know.

While not minding the harsh laughter of an individual 100 times less attractive that him, Jin asked Nurse Joy a question, while at the same time cajoling his self esteem "Joy, is this the right competition? And do I look hot?"

Joy responded, "Why yes it is! In fact Madam Xiao Yu organised this year's King of the Iron Fist tournament, and since she is friends with my other sister, Nurse Joy, in Cerulean City she decided to hire all of us! I am actually from Palette town! But Master Ash ... I mean Jin, I thought you knew this already? Not that you look hot, because you don't, but that the completion is going to be a Pokemon Battle"

Jin's mouth hung wide open (why doesn't anyone think I am hot ... except ME!), "Wait one minute here, Does this tournament have anything to do with ... *shudder* ... POKEMON? And I am hot!"

Joy grinned, "Why yes! This is going to be a pokemon competition! AND YOU ARE NOT HOT"

Jin's mouth twitched a little, "POKEMON ARE NOT REAL! AND I AM AND I AM A SEXY BITCH"

Joy gave a hysterical laugh " Ahahahaha! Do you have any proof that TEKKEN is real Mister? YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH!! But sexy bitch? BITCH PLEASE!"

"Ummm ... no ... okay I am not hot  " Jin said in a small voice.

Joy wiped her mouth and said with a grimace, "Then shut the fuck up pansy boy ..." she straitened her hair and resumed with her ^_^ smile, "I was just kidding you are hot to a gay man . Alright then speaking of gay men, Professor Lee is on the PokePhone line and he has some instructions for you along with some advice on how to battle with your Pokemon! Have a nice time! Bye! Oh and the PokePhone is located to the right!"

Lee was on the video phone wearing a sexy leopard print latex laboratory coat with no shirt, pink horn rimmed glasses and purple leather pants and lime a lime colored belt. He was filing his nails when Jin came. "Hi! My favourite nephew! How are ya bitchess ... muah! Muah! Love ya"

Jin cringed; ever since his _adoptive_ uncle had come out of the closet he had become extra affectionate towards Jin. "Hello Uncle Lee, so what is this Pokemon crap? I mean I get the general Idea but what do I do?"

Lee smiled and said, "Oh I don't know sweetie you figure it out, you're so smart and handsome and ... sigh ... well then let's not get carried away, here I have these sexy silver hot pants that I sent over to you via the teleporter, now you HAVE to wear these okay, because I attached your balls ... I mean pokeballs to them" Lee batted his eyelashes and Jin swore that he winked at him.

Jin looked at the hot pants tried them on and entered the arena to fight ...


End file.
